4 Ways To Help A Friend In Crisis

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Love surrounds us all.

Love surrounds us all.

I just said goodbye to my parents.

They drove completely unexpectedly 9 hours straight down to my home to be with me in my time of need.

They stayed a full week, took care of my children and I with love, humor, devotion and loyalty.

 

I love my parents so much. 

They are a shining example of what a strong, 45+ year marriage can be and a beacon of light in a very troubling time in my own life.

 

 

A strong long term marriage is something I’m so appreciative that my parents can model for my own children.

 

Because, as I have already shared with my newsletter list, a week and a half ago my husband left a handwritten goodbye note to me and to our children and walked out the door.

There was no face-to-face explanation.

So far I don’t know any of the details about why we were left.

 

I’m sure a desire to process these events in order to heal will arise in me at some point, but that point is not right now.

 

The emotions I feel right now are very very clear:

 

it’s love.

 

It’s total and complete love for my children.

It’s total and complete love for the friends who immediately began praying for my family, who welcomed me into their home, who hugged me with tears in their eyes, for those who brought food and those who brought hope.

It’s total and complete love for my parents who came to my side and stayed by my side and reminded me that family is a large and wonderful and forever thing that includes many many layers around me.

It’s total and complete love for the Universe, who holds me so strongly I can feel it.

It’s total and complete love for finally knowing… truly *knowing*... that even when the chips are down I can walk the walk just as well as I can talk the talk.

It’s total and complete love for this new energy that is building between my children and I, my family and I, my friends and I, and yes… my readers and I.  That includes you, as you read these words and bear witness to this journey.

 

Because I feel myself ripening with new gifts to give you.

I feel myself expanding and breathing more deeply than before.

 

It sort of feels like I’m holding a basket and collecting treasures along the way down this broken and painful road.

 

Stopping here and there to pick up something that will be of use to someone else some day.

Stopping to sit down when a sharp shard of glass cuts my foot and brings me to my knees.

Hobbling along when I need to.

Leaning on others when I need to.

But still… that basket is there… and the collection of gems are growing.

 

I want to start sharing them with you here… the gems that have been gifted to me over the past 10 days.

 

 

Here are just some random thoughts and treasures that I’ve collected so far and if these would help comfort a loved one of yours that is going through a difficult transition, please share this list with them.

 

4 Helpful Things To Share With A Loved One Who Is In Pain:

 

 

1.  Quotes and Mantras.

 

One of the very first things that saved my soul when my husband left was a mantra that a dear friend of mine sent me.

I think the reason it was so perfect is that it was literally all I could handle within the first 24 hours… and it was this:

 

“I LOVE my children… I LOVE myself.  I LOVE my children…

I LOVE myself.  I LOVE my children… I LOVE myself.”

I took every single breath with this in running through my mind while I decided what my next step would be.

This mantra saved my life.

 

A few days deeper into the crisis, I was able to handle more complex mantras.

An amazing reader sent me this one, and this is the one I am working with right now.

 

I love it.  It brings me peace:

“Breathing in, I am aware of sorrow within.

Breathing out, I am NOT the sorrow.  I am the awareness of the sorrow.”

-Thich Nhat Hanh

 

One of my favorite emails came from another dear reader, who asked me this of my situation.

 

She simply asked:

“What will you do with the unlocked energy?

I envy you the journey.”

And suddenly, just like that… *poof*… my situation went from being a wound to a gift.

She was right.  Every situation unlocks some hidden energy within and you get to decide what to do with it.

Hope is such a gift.

 

2.  Emails, Texts, Letters, Phone Calls.

 

There is nothing like being contacted from all over the world to remind you that you are NEVER ALONE.

I appreciated and cherished every single message of support and love.  Many of them helped me take my next breath.
At one point, it started to make me anxious thinking about returning so many emails personally… but I deeply wanted to because I love every single unique soul that reached out to me.

Then, at some point, my inbox became something I started to fear.

Too overwhelming, when my full focus has been on my innocent children.

What I gave myself permission to do was to create a file of the messages that soothed me most, and held onto them in case I wanted to re-read them… and many I’ve re-read dozens of times!

 

So never doubt if a person you love who is in turmoil doesn’t reply — you never know how you are holding them up and they are cherishing your words.

And then I gave myself permission to go through, one by one, and send love and pure gratitude from my heart to the sender of that email… and then let it go.

Knowing the energy exchange was received, that it was cherished… and that it was enough.

Please give your words generously to your loved ones in crisis — but give them permission to receive then and then release them without reply.

Reading emails, joining in spirit with the sender, and then releasing them has been a god-send to me.

 

 

3.  Food (and lodging, if needed!)

 

I’ve never really *loved* eating.

It’s just not something that ever brought me too much joy, unless maybe it was chocolate.

But cooking, I loved. 

Nurturing my family with home cooked meals, often from our own backyard garden, made with love… it’s something I really cherished doing for my children.

Not so during this crisis.

I would feel like vomiting as I tried to prepare food for my little ones.

 

So… one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten in my entire life was the gift of a nightly dinner from each of my dear, amazing, local friends, and one out-of-town friend who hosted my children and I for the night when I could barely even think straight.

 

It’s not just the gift of not having to think about what food to prepare.

 

It’s the gift of looking into your child’s face as they eat food and knowing that even though you can’t feed them yourself, someone you love is.

 

There is nothing better in the world to a mama then seeing her child eat.

At least for me — I think it starts from how meaningful and soulful it was for me to nurse my babies.

This is about as close as it could ever get to knowing that the Universe is working through your friends hands to keep your children fed. 

My friends (and then my parents once they came to town) literally nursed my children and I back to health.

I will forever be grateful.

 

4.   Books

 

Several people emailed me book suggestions… and just reading the titles brought me so much joy.

Because somehow, when you are in the middle of a crisis, it feels like no one on earth could have ever gone through what you are going through.

And in a way, you are right.

You are special.

You are unique.

You are a warrior surviving.

 

But you are also sharing a common experience with other warriors, who have survived and thrived.

 

Just knowing that someone else has not only made it through similar and worse things than you are going through, but has had the time to write and publish a book on it… wow.

Suddenly life seems so much more doable, with a certain perspective about it.

 

Knowing there were books out there written by others who face huge transitions… ordering them online… and waiting for them to arrive… that feels like hope to me.

 

I will list you the books I decided to order… but I have not read any of them yet.

This is literally all so new and fresh they haven’t even arrived in the mail yet… but perhaps this is a list that could help someone else:

 

 

 

Maybe this blog post will help someone you love who is in the very first week of an overwhelming, maybe even (like myself) unwanted change.

Please forward if you feel it would be a blessing to them.

 

If you have a recommendation, quote, link to a video, music, book, mantra, ANYTHING AT ALL to add to this list, please leave it in the comments below.

 

I know the readers who read my blog would greatly appreciate the suggestions — and so would I, as I still have a loooong road ahead on this painful journey. 

Together, we can create a really great list of resources that might just save someone else’s life the way mine has been saved.

 

I’ll be certain to have many many many more gifts to share with you as we go along this journey together.

I promise to be open-hearted and vulnerable and honest and real with *you*, as I’ve found that by doing so, I feel more *me*.

xoxox, Laura

PS — want more tips?  I created a quick video to share the 5 most POWERFUL helpful ways I found to transform the energy of a crisis and experience healing on a deeper level.  Let me tell them to you right now.