Breathe.

Posted

I just came across a collection of poems I had written several years ago, when my kids were babies.  This poem is about those intense moments, especially in the earlier years, when you feel that you are spending everything you have, and digging very deeply to find enough energy and time, to care for your kids.

I remember those times much more fondly now that they are few and far between.  Actually, I miss them.  But I still can have moments where I am overwhelmed at everything I need to do, and how important a job it is, being a Mommy.

I was recently talking to a wonderful friend of mine (hi Barbara!!) on the phone, before I had *re-discovered* these poems.  We were talking about how motherhood can literally take your breath away.  Of course, 99% of the time it’s in that good way, the kind of way that makes you stand there in awe at how amazing these little beings are.  But that 1%… that can be intense too… that “I-can’t-breathe-I-haven’t-even-eaten-yet-today-and-I-need-to-do-a-million-things-what-on-earth-is-it-now?!?!?!” sort of overwhelment of parenting.

my kids… having fun, but totally knocking me over

When I found this poem, I immediately thought of Barbara, and I smiled, knowing she would TOTALLY *get* this poem.  Anyone else out there feel this one too?  xoxo

Mother at High Tide

by Laura Koniver

When I feel my children drown me

The impluse is to fight for my breath.

But allowing the tide to come in,

That’s my essential moment.

I’m the sand on the edge of the beach.

My children are as vast

As wonderful

As full of life

Unlimited

As the ocean beyond,

And I have only this one tide to enjoy.

I let them wash over me

Engulf me

Dance and splash and play

While I suffocate happily on the ocean floor.

Thankfully I soaked up the high tide while I could.

Motherhood has taught me to relax in this flood

Of daily frustration and exhaustion,

To just wait,

Soften,

Allow, then

Welcome, then

Want

Admit it — need! — this constant contact,

Where they are bound to me with the full force of gravity,

Pulled upon me with no resistance – no!

With screams of delight!

I just rest.

Look up.

And watch my glorious

Children, vivid as waves in the sun

Rise up and Shine!

They are everything!

Rise higher and higher!

Enjoy this slow, sweet day, my babies!

I’m lost under this overflow of childhood

And I’ve finally found my own current.

The tide will recede

Too soon I’ll watch my own sands dry up

The young ocean waves will dance away.

High tide

Was my best condition.